We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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