when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
the raccoons are back...
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