Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
