I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
