i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There's a naked man in my car right now.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
