I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
