We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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