Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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