omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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