I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
This is my gift to your gina
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize