In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
