Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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