is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
