why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's shark week go big or go home
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
