Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
