I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
