on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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