The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
