Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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