...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
