we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
