the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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