he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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