I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
