im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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