ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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