I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
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