It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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