You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
