My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
