i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
