My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
