sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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