ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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