do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
