Your face is a jimmy john
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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