I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
