Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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