I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
