I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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