Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
