so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
