I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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