I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
