My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
