well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
