I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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