Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
