He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Randomize
