I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
