dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
