He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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