who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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