I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
