this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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