Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
