we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
