OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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