Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I think your dad took our porno
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
