I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
