I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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