she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
