booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
