last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
