how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
