I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
