my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
