I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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