Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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