drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
