remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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