I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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