Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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